


Faint Heart

by Kittenanimegirl_13



Category: Free!
Genre: Fainting, Malnourishment, Mention of Eating Disorders, Neglect, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 15:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittenanimegirl_13/pseuds/Kittenanimegirl_13
Summary: Haru didn't have the best dietary habits, but he was used to not eating as much as he should. He constantly experienced fainting as a kid, yet after four years of not doing so, he thought he was over that.Until a joint practice at Samezuka doesn't go as planned.





	Faint Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a fanfiction for Free! for such a long time but never got around to it...Until now! This isn't really light hearted yet it isn't entirely angst ridden... there are trigger warnings so ill add those now.
> 
> Trigger Warning!: There is talk about eating disorders in this story, along with slight mentions of body issues and neglect. If you are sensitive to these topics, please don't read, or proceed with caution. The last thing i want is someone hurt on my behalf.
> 
> Stay safe :)

If you were to say that Haruka Nanase didn’t have the best dietary habits, you’d be right. For Haru, he only ever had mackerel, and that was only for breakfast. He didn’t have enough time to prepare a lunch before Makoto started getting antsy that they would be late for school. Eventually, Haru started skipped breakfast, just so he didn’t have to hear Makoto lose it over being late. Then, when he got home, he was too tired to make dinner for himself, especially when he had practice. He knew that he had to eat after swim practice, but he forgot and fell asleep after homework.

Every time he didn’t have a lunch, Makoto would always nag at him for not eating enough. Eventually Makoto stopped pestering him and just made enough lunch for both him and Haru.

Now, when Haru was younger, he was borderline malnourished and experienced fainting regularly. Of course, Makoto started worrying that it would start happening again. It got to the point that Makoto was so worried that Haru would start passing out again, that he didn’t want Haru to swim much during practice, in fear that Haru would drain too much of his energy.

Yet, when Iwatobi had a joint practice with the Samezuka swim club, Haru had to swim. They were practicing swimming relay. It was Makoto and Momotaru, Nagisa and Nitori, Rei and Rin, Then Haru and Sousuke. The relay was very intense for watchers, but Samezuka won.

About ten minutes after the relay, Haru and Rin were racing each other in freestyle competition. Haru didn’t even make the turn before he started sinking into the water. When Rin made the turn, he swam back and over to Haru and pulled him out of the water, surprised when he found that the black-haired boy weighed practically nothing. He swam to the side of the pool where Makoto, Nagisa, Rei, and Gou were watching form the sidelines. When Rin got there with Haru in his arms, Makoto quickly went to pick Haru up and out of the water. He set the ravenette down by the pool as Rin got out of the water and stood next to Nagisa and Sousuke. Some of the other Samezuka swimmers started crowding around but Rin told them to keep their distance.

Makoto knew it was more than likely that Haru ended up breathing in the pool water. He didn’t know what he should do first. Shake him awake? Should he perform CPR? Makoto could start to feel himself tremble slightly.

“Haru.” Makoto tried calling out, shaking the other lightly. “Haru.” Another call, yet nothing.

“If you want, we can move him to me and Sousuke’s dorm.” Rin spoke up. Makoto nodded to the suggestion, bodily picking up Haru then motioning to Nagisa and Rei.

“I’ll be right back.” Nagisa and rei nodded to their captain with flashes of worry in their eyes as they watched Makoto and Rin walk away.

All that was left for the other was to wait patiently for their captains.

 

 

Rin and Makoto were silent as they walked outside and towards the Samezuka dorm rooms.

“How many times has this happened?” Rin asked quietly. Makoto waited for a second, forming his answer before answering.

“It happened a lot when we were kids. He was malnourished and when he did eat, it wasn’t much…” Makoto trailed off and Rin nodded solemnly and asked another question.

“Why was he malnourished?”

Makoto hesitated again, not really wanting to say any personal information about Haru that Haru himself didn’t want exposed. Makoto would have to tread lightly and not disclose as much as he knew After all, it wasn’t his information, it was Haru’s.

“Haru’s parents were never really around to take care of him. It wasn’t until his parents left him with his grandmother that he was properly taken care of. She helped him start eating properly and healthily. Before her, he would always end up fainting from lack of nourishment.”

“So, the reason he passed out now was because he hasn’t been eating enough again?” Rin held a slight trace of worry in his voice. He didn’t like the outcome and circumstances that his mind was conjuring up from this information.

Makoto thought about it, knowing that was probably the case, and nodded. Rin saw and scowled at the unconscious Haru.

“Idiot…”

Makoto knew there was no malice in his voice, it was worry. He gave a sad smile as they walked though the doors leading to the dorm rooms.

 

 

Rin laid Haru down of the bottom bunk gently and sighed.

“Makoto, if you want, you can go back with the others and I can watch over him.” Rin spoke softly, not wanting to disturb Haru, even if he knew it wasn’t possible.

“I won’t leave him…” Makoto said this more to himself than to the red head. _Besides the water, I’m the only person Haru has left, and I’ll be damned if I ever leave his side._

Vague, but efficient, Rin looked back down to Haru. _‘He looks so peaceful.’_

They remained quiet for some time, the silence calming yet tense. After what felt like forever (but was only about five minutes), movement and coughing caught the swimmers’ attention. They looked to see Haru trying to cough but couldn’t in the position he was in. Rin moved towards Haru and lifted him, so the boy was sitting upright. Rin was patting his back while he kept coughing violently. Water began dribbling out the sides of Haru’s mouth as his coughing slowly morphed into gagging. Makoto ran into the bathroom for a rag and a bucket in case of an emergency.

As time slowly ticked by, Haru started calming down, his throat hurting from coughing so much and his breathing was shallow and ragged. Rin protective hand stayed on his back, moving in lazy and slow circles. Haru looked up to see Makoto and Rin’s worry and scared faces. He opened his mouth to say something, until the door opened violently to reveal Nagisa, Rei, and Sousuke.

 “Haru-chan! Haru-chan! You’re awake! Are you feeling any better?” Nagisa practically threw himself onto the quiet swimmer. Rei quickly moved next to the beds, grabbing Nagisa and pulling him away from Haru.

“Nagisa-kun, it seems he just woke up, I’m pretty sure your yelling scared him.” Rei whipped. He looked back to Haru, “My apologies Haruka-senpai.”

“You’re mean Rei-chan! I just wanted to know how Haru-chan is feeling.” Nagisa pouted

“He was about to say something before you interrupted him, Nagisa.” Rin decided to shut both boys up so Haru could speak again.

“Sorry Rin-chan.” Nagisa shot the red head a small smile before turning back to Haru. He asked again, albeit calmer than he had before. “Are you okay, Haru-chan?”

Haru swallowed and gave a small response. “Yeah.” His voice was hoarse and cracking, the one syllable word irritating his already hurt throat. He wanted to clear out his throat, but he was scared that would result in another fierce coughing fit. Haru looked up and still saw the worry in his friends’ eyes. Even more shooting worry and concern from Rei and Nagisa. Even Sousuke had a bit of concern gleaming in his eyes. Haruka looked to Makoto and the brunette sighed, walking closer to the bed. He extended his hand out towards Haru.

“I ca stand on my own Makoto.” To prove his point, Haru hoisted himself off the bed, being careful not to bump his head on the bunk above and ignoring the slight dizziness that he felt.

He was on his feet, but the world swayed around him, his eyes becoming heavier and his friends’ bodies were blobs of color and nothing more. Haru felt himself start to fall again, only to be caught by Makoto.

“Haru, you are in no condition to walk right now.” Haru could hear the pity in Makoto’s voice. It was pity that was unwelcome. He didn’t want to start an argument with Makoto, but he might have to.

“I’m fine Makoto. I can walk.” Haru moved himself away from Makoto and tried walking. He started swaying and faltered in his steps. He reached to where Sousuke was standing before he started falling again and was caught again by the butterfly swimmer.

Makoto walked over to Sousuke and gave a silent thank you before going and picking up Haru. “Don’t argue with me Haruka. You physically cannot walk. I don’t want you using energy that you clearly do not have.” The others in the room never heard Makoto say Haru’s full name, nor sound that angry. Nagisa felt like laughing because of how much like a parent Makoto sounded.

Haru whined and started squirming as Makoto held Haru close to his body. Makoto was getting irritated at the freestyle swimmer, he was just trying to protect him! Yet Haru wanted to go and be all argumentative about using strength and energy he didn’t have. So, Makoto didn’t care if he was grabbing Haru so hard that it would bruise, he had to use his strength to his advantage.

“I’ll go and take him home. He needs rest.” Makoto said to the rest of the boys, before walking out of the dorms and leaving the Samezuka canvas.

The others looked at each other and gave a small laugh, if not for themselves to break the tension that hung in the air, then for Haru and Makoto’s dynamic when Haru was vulnerable.

 

 

Makoto was still holding onto Haru as they finally reached the top of the stairs that lead to Haru’s house. Haru passed out again when they had gotten towards the shoreline, wanting to go swimming again. He was still weak, so he ended up passing out again before he could even get into the water. Makoto guessed that was his fault for letting him go, thinking that would’ve been a good idea. He thought that Haru would’ve gotten more strength, but he was wrong.

It honestly hurt Makoto to hold Haru and feel how light he felt in his arms. To know that his friend was bordering malnutrition again and it went unnoticed for so long, even though they were such close friends.

 _‘Is Haru not eating…on purpose?’_ Makoto knew this thought wasn’t true. Haru would never purposefully starve himself or deprive himself of food in anyway. But even when he cut that thought off, it still lingered slightly in the back of Makoto’s mind, whispering and cooing, knowing that it was still a logical thought and shouldn’t be brushed off, true or not.

When Makoto entered Haru’s house, he gave a small sigh of relief. At least Haru is home now, where there was comfort and food. Nourishment for Haru’s deprived body He was about to start walking up the stairs to Haru’s room when the black-haired boy gave a small groan, signaling that he was waking up. His blue and bleary eyes opened to meet Makoto’s green eyes. Even though he was just barely lucid, Haru still loved Makoto’s eyes. They reminded Haru of emeralds. He relaxed even more and slightly nuzzled himself into the warmth that was his friend. Makoto didn’t say anything, he just looked up and kept walking to Haru’s room.

Makoto opened the bedroom door and placed Haru down on his bed. He kneeled so his face was level with Haru. Makoto, try as he might, couldn’t look anywhere except for Haru. His slightly flushed face, his lips parted slightly, his eyelashes so long and beautiful, brushing against his cheeks whenever he blinked.

“Haru,” Makoto hesitated. How would he be able to bring this topic up? Especially one that he knew Haru was sensitive to? He couldn’t just start with: _“Hey so I know that you aren’t eating and that’s bad you should really eat more, also please tell me that you’re not anorexic cause I would lose my mind if you were so don’t be, okay?”_

Yeah, he was not saying that. He was not that insensitive.

“Haru, why did you pass out? I think I might know but I don’t want to jump to conclusions.” Makoto spoke gently, as so not to scare his friend, knowing that he was still slightly out of it.

“I don’t know Makoto” Haru was tired, you could hear it in his voice. Then again, he always sounded either tired or bored, so it was always hard to tell. At least it was for others. Makoto and Haru knew each other the best. They had an inseparable bond, almost to the point where they knew what the other was thinking or feeling. Makoto thought he knew Haru so well. Knew him as well as he knew himself.

Makoto was angry at himself. For letting this go unnoticed for so long. Knowing his friend was slowly deteriorating killed him. It hurt watching Haru constantly faint as a kid, and it still hurts now. It hurt to see those bleary and tired eyes stare into him, as he was still dizzy and his eyesight still a tad blurred. To hear the slur of his friends’ usually soft yet crisp voice. To watch him stand and stumble and sway until he started falling again. It all hurt Makoto to such a degree. He thought, that after he lived with his grandmother and he was eating more, that he would’ve seen the last of his friend losing consciousness. He thought he saw the last of his friend so vulnerable.

Apparently not…

“Have you been…eating enough?”

Haru didn’t really know how to answer. Sure, he’s been eating _less_ but he didn’t really see that has not eating _enough._ He was a swimmer. He had to keep up a toned and lean body. If he had anything but that, it would be disappointing, to himself as a swimmer and as a person.

“I think I’ve been eating enough.” It was the closest thing to the truth that Haru could say. Yet the look in Makoto’s eyes screamed that the answer he supplied wasn’t one that the brunette was hoping for.

“If you were eating enough, then you wouldn’t have passed out twice today.” Makoto shot back. Haru knew that Makoto had a point. He hasn’t passed out like this since before his parents left him with his grandmother 5 years ago.

“Haru, this might be a bit insensitive…have you been starving yourself?” Makoto didn’t want to ask that question, but he had to make sure that his fears are irrational. Haru’s eyes widened and he shot up, looking down at Makoto and ignoring the dizziness that came with the swift motion.

“Where the hell did you get the idea that I’ve been starving myself?” To Haru, that was a very ridiculous question, though he could see where Makoto was coming from with that question. He hasn’t passed out since his parents left him, so to suddenly become so thin and experiencing fainting again would lead some to believe that Haru was suffering for an eating disorder. Haru won’t lie when he says that he hasn’t at least given some thought into eating disorders, yet he always shot it down because after about a day, it becomes painful and just gives him horrible flashbacks to his parents.

“Okay, I just thought that it was a bit concerning that you suddenly started passing out again after not doing so for a while…” Makoto knew his friend wasn’t like that. Haru would never tell Makoto that he never at least put it to though and tried it at least once.

Haru sighed. “I guess it would be a lie to say that I’ve been eating three square meals as well…I’ve been skipping breakfast, along with dinner, and the amount of energy from training…I guess it was just taking a toll on me again.” Haruka admitted, looking anywhere but at his friend.

“So, the only time you actually eat is when I pack lunch for the both of us?” Makoto already knew the answer. When Haru nodded his head in confirmation, Makoto’s eyes softened, his body lurching forward to hug his friend.

Makoto knew from this day forward that he would keep even more of an eagle eye on Haru. Because someone like Haru, someone that already knew the pain and exhaustion of being underfed and malnourished, was worth every second. Every moment of affection.

Haru was worth it.

 


End file.
